for old time's sake

i am not so sure if i write about CC before but today i want to write about him. bc i think of him again. it's a busy sunday but i didn't feel like working. but still managed to do some, slowly. while switching between working and slacking off, i went into my yahoo inbox and started to read CC's emails, from the first one since we met. it was january 2001. i read and i laughed, giggled and thought how silly and happy we were 8 years ago. yeah, it's been 8 years but i still keep all of his emails safely and pull them out from time to time to read when i need giggles.

we met on the bus. he was on the way to phuket. my 2 friends and i were going to PP island to celebrate the last day of year 2000. when getting on the bus, i saw that he was sitting on the bus alone. i told my 2 girlfriends to sit on the seats across to his so i could sit next to him. he was a blue-eyed and long-haired swedish guy, the same age as me. i like the way i acted at that time. when i wanted to talk to him, i just went there and sat next to him and then started talking to him, ignoring my girlfriends but they knew me so well so they ignored me too. after the bus left hadyai, we talked non-stop until my friends and i got off the bus in krabi. it'd been 6 hours that we kept talking.

before i got off the bus, we exchanged email address.

after i got back from my holiday, i emailed him asking if he remembered me. then we started emailing each other 4-5 times per week for nearly 2 years. during that time our relationship bloomed. driving to work each day was an excitement and i wanted to arrive my office as soon as possible to check my inbox. nearly everyday, when reaching the office, i saw his email waiting for me in my inbox. the morning was awesome already seeing his email first thing before working. and he felt the same as me.

we started to get closer in the emails calling each other bf and gf. he even proposed me in the email. when reading to this part, i realized that i had his/ our hopes up about us getting married and how much i hurted him after i destroyed everything. i don't want to keep on reading until the last email as i know i would feel very bad for hurting him at that time. i wanted to stop at when we were very happy.

after 6 years from stopping emailing each other, i went back to read them again. i've learned that both of us were so much in love and were alike each other. we were film freaks. in most of the emails, we talked about movies we just watched and pushing each other to go look for our fave ones. i could see the real him clearly reading his emails NOW. with a lot more experiences and getting older, i can see that he was a really really nice guy, a young boy with kind heart who liked to make jokes and tease me. gosh..reading his emails, i miss our time exchanging emails so much. it's a bittersweet thinking of our things, times, situations and him.

so why our relationship ended? after 1 year and 8 months of exchanging emails, he came to thailand to see me. i was supposed to go to samui to meet him there but my bf (pt) stopped me. he asked, begged and cried to stop me from going to see CC. yes, i knew it was my very bad.. i lied to CC that i didn't have a bf and gave his hopes up. and hid the relationship with CC from my boyfriend. everyone got hurt from my deeds.

after he knew that i wouldn't go there to see him and he could guess something else, he stopped contacting me and vanished from my email life. i remembered every time his birthday rolled around and was tempted to email him. 2 years ago, i emailed him to say "happy birthday" to him. it was a surprise that he emailed back and we catched up a little bit. he acted cold in his email and kept distance. and i understood that. he was then married to a thai girl and had one son and his wife was expecting another baby soon and he was very excited about that... how could i say now.. i told him. i was so happy for him and wished the best for him. it seems he has a happy family. they come to thailand every year.

why i still think of him occasionally.. i don't think of him now as a hubby to a thai wife and a father to 2 kids but i think of us then.. it just makes me happy for our old days.. i wish i could turn back time...