yesterday, i had to sneak out of my shop and did some business trip with pt. we had to drive to see a friend and figure out something together. after so many losts and u-turns, we finally found his home. and eventually all the dragging businesses were settled and done, what a relief! the thing had stressed me out and had me worried since the past month.

after the business was done, we stopped by to have lunch at sirada restaurant in koh yor. the rain had just stopped falling. we sat and talked like our old days. it was a good time.. (but the service at the restaurant disappointed us.. things have really changed..)

while talking and waiting for the food, i took some photos and listened to pt. he wanted to get back to me, which he has been talking about since i told him i forgave him. it's been 3 months now. i told him i could be only a friend to him. it's not that i can't trust him. i think i can trust him again. but i feel that as we spend time apart more than spend time together, we start to grow apart and become strangers to one another. i feel like sometimes i don't know the new him at all. he has changed along with work, new friends and the life he has lived alone.

and now i've lost interested in knowing all about him. as a friend, i think i don't need to know everything. but if i am to be his girlfriend again, i should know something more. as now i've shifted focus to my life and my family more, i don't want to know everything about him and that makes us drifting apart more and more. and what i can offer now is being a good friend to him.

engaging with someone, i believe that both parties should cut ourselves open and stay clear with who we are. pt and i were at that point when were working at the same company. though, living separately, we were very close.. after i moved to hatyai, things changed, so did us and our relationship.. which turned out to be a relationshit later..

i still want to take some trips and share some moments with him but i don't want to be the girl in his life anymore. but you know what? this thing takes time and patience. pt wants more and i want less which i have to be patient to make him understand where i want to stand. sometimes, it's like i am giving him hope when hanging around with him. i've stayed clear and spoken with him way too many times for not having his hopes up.. i will be only his friend.. he looked disappointed when i said that but it was not my fault for what has lead us to where we are today.. (but i didn't say this to him..)..

what done is done. i don't want to regret what had happened. but still i don't want to let go him of my life.. he is a good guy who makes mistakes.. like all of us..

believe me, to whom who are looking hard for the love of your life. you already have that person and that person is you, who will less likely break your heart and know best about you.. but as i said before i don't stop loving.. i still falling in love endlessly.. but i choose to love myself more and try harder to love myself even more.. there will be the one for you, only if you don't give up but you gotta love yourself first..