i've been avoiding writing here bc i don't know what to say. i've been writing a lot in 43t, so i have left nothing much to write here. but what i write in 43t are mostly my daily life and daily goal. so, i feel it's time to update here and write something.

• routine : i am still struggling to get back to my old schedule to open my shop at 7.30 am.. i couldn't finish everything by 7.30 am yet. i am a greedy person for my own time. i want to squeeze so many things in my morning routine. i want to write, read, and run before bringing kla to school and opening my shop at 7.30 am. (i used to be able to do this last semester.) i got up at 5 and read for 1 hour. after reading, i want to journal. i find that rambling in my diary is an outlet of my reading. when i read, i want to write. i got back to writing morning page again. not 3 pages every morning but the i've resumed the habit of sitting and writing in the morning. not constantly yet but i am slowly walzing to it. it's like having a meeting with an old friend. i've set 30 mins for writing but it seems like 30 mins is never enough to reflect things in my head. thus, it left very little time for running. when i had not much time left for running, i chose a quick run like 10-20 mins but i don't want to do quick run everyday. i want to do long 5 miles once or twice a week. i can not 'not run'. so i have to make time for it. it's kind of a way to jump start my long day.
• relationship : it's been 2 weeks now since the breakup. pt still texted me from time to time to check on me. i didn't reply any of them. i deleted right after i read them. this time i want us to be finally over. i don't want to get back and repeat the same circle again. once is more than enough. i don't hate him. i am grateful that he let me go and that he was the one who made the move. i didn't have a heart to break up with him. i would feel guilty the whole life. i started to get over him but honestly, not totally over yet. i still miss him and it hurts. i don't miss him to want him back but i miss him and it hurts. but i will be through this process soon. the cheerfulness in me is up and down so far.
• reading : when my schedule is steady. it's easy to get back to reading again. i've set a goal to read 50 books this year and 20 books have been down the shelf now. 30 more to go. this morning, i finished 'how to be good'. must admit that it was not that good as i had expected or as people in amazon said it was. but still it provoked me some thoughts and it kept me thinking. i like books that leave something for me to think along, though sometimes they are a drag. i feel like a big success when managing to finish a book. so the mood is 80% up today.
• running : i am not a professional running but i enjoy running a lot. i run to loose weight, get in shape, get leaner, clear my head and mind, loose in my own thoughts, be alone and get away from people. when in my shop, i treadmilling but when at home in the village, i run along the tarmac. it's hilly and paved with rubber trees. it's soothing.
• roaming: though i am back to work, i have some trips planned. this year is the year that i am super broke and it's the year that i stopped buying things i really don't want. i use what i have. i save hard bc income is not as good as before. i get creative with what i have and bargain with things so i won't spend too much money. why? bc there are 3 overseas trips, which is hard to say no, waiting for me through the end of the year. july, i am hopping on a night bus to singapore with family. there will be 13 of us. (yes, 13!!). mom and aunties had nagged us to bring them there for a long while. but my sis and i kept postponing the trip bc we are kind of seeing a lot of singapore already. but we finally gave in, set a trip for them and asked around if anyone wanted to join us on this trip bc we won't be going to singapore again in a few years. if they want to go, it's this year. only. next trip is india. everyone said it's a pure madness going there. but i really want to see india. there are enough reasons i can think about that i should make this trip happen. 1) i've kept postponing for a few years. 2) i have found buddies to go with me. 3) i don't want to wait until i push past 40. 4) i don't have any plan in october this year yet. 5) i love indian fabrics. 6) at least once in my life, i want to see india.. so here we go, !ndia! we picked sikkim and will be roaming around for 10 days. we will visit tea orchard in darjeeling and trek along snowy mountain in nothern part of india. and yes the flight was booked. the final trip before new year arrives is Laos. i am going there with one of my best friends. this trip, we want to chill out and see Laos in our lazy ways. we have plenty of time to explore northern laos.. we will travel in circle. go one direction and come back another... if all the trips are done, i will be travelling to 5 countries this year; philippines, malaysia, singapore, india and laos..

as i've walked through 2010 for 5 months now, i sat thinking back about the way i've spent my life.. i think i did it quite great. i've waded through a lot of things and most of them were what i intended to do. some were surprised and some were planned. i spent loads of time with my folks at home. i took good care of myself. i've made running my habit. i ate plenty of fruits and veggies. i managed to get back to the same weight and get rid of the extra kilos i happily gained during my holiday/traveling time. i've journaled alot and made it a way to connect with myself. i went out to see the world. i've been to the places i have never been before. i've met old and new friends, get connected and reconnected with them. i've been through few good cries. i've been hurt and heart-broken. i've found true friendship during those hard times. i've experienced the meaning of true friends. i've reconnected with my old boss whom i've not talked for 7 years and i managed to say thank you to him for being the hardest boss ever while i was living the coperate world. i must admited that i was occasionally pissed off with him while i was working for him. he made me feel like a tea in a cup full of hot water. i believe that tea is at its best taste when soaked in very hot water. (and he liked to soak me in that kind of water.) there were a lot more to be grateful for and yes i've been transformed through those months and the next 7 months will be spent even greater, i promise (to myself)..