it's just my fleeting thought..

yesterday, i went out to meet dave at the swan. he flew down with his new girlfriend to go to lipeh island for a week, to celebrate their first christmas together. he was already there chatting with a friend when i arrived. it was surprisingly easy to find a space to park my car on the road near the swan. normally, that road was always packed.

when i was there, dave introduced me to his friend, tony. i joined them and their chat. he asked if i wanted a beer, i said no, just a tea was fine. we talked about various things and shared some laughs.. later an old guy named dave joined us. he was a friend of tony. so while tony and the old dave were chatting, i caught up with dave. i told him i was so surprised hearing he had a new girlfriend again (but not too surprised)... when he was in hatyai, i saw series of his girlfriends he bought to my shop. again, this one i asked how he met her. he told me shyly she was his student at aua few years back and she was 10 years younger. wow, man.. go enjoy your life.. (actually, i said inside..wow man.. go screw up your life.. but i mean.. live it while you can..) they started seeing one another 2 months ago, so their love is new and fresh.. and i could see it on his face and in his eyes.. . right after he broke up with the first girlfriend in bkk with the reason that they had different interests, he moved on and got a new girl. see? guy moves on so fast, while girl is still nursing the pain.

seeing him this time, though not talk much, i think he has changed in size and in view on life. more relaxing and less cynical. he seems to enjoy life a lot more and it's good for him.

talking to dave and tony and the old dave for an hour, i got a phone call from my sister. she asked where i was. i said with dave. she said with an annoying voice that dad was at the shop unloading my things and asked with an impatient voice, when i got back to my shop. i was a bit pissed and annoyed, as she always acted thing like this when i was enjoying my time with friends somewhere. i don't know why, never have a clue why she won't be happy for me when i am happy outside with friends.. i sat there a few more minutes and told dave i had to leave to pick up my cousin from school.. i said good bye to everyone and then left for my car..

i felt like my rare and blissful afternoon meeting an old friend was spoiled after the phone call.. but it was good to see him and meet new people.. and it was good to be out..

my sister and i are close, yet we are hugely different on the way of thinking, the way we view life and the way we live our lives. she is the smart and quick kind of girl. i am the slow, artful girl. we both are daddy's girls but we pick different things from dad. she likes the big fancy job, fancy car, fancy many houses, investment and the things that can make her bank account gets fat.. i am the simple, homebody girl who likes to live in her own artist world. i have no big ambition for material things, while she looks for chances to build up and invest. i am the imaginative girl, while my sis knows nothing about creating.

but there is nothing wrong with her wanting things more for herself and her family, as the more she makes, the more she gives to everyone at home. she is the one who pays when we eat out. she is the one who financially supports everyone.. she has a very kind heart. on the contrary, i give what i can make. i give them my time, i create things for them, i am the memory keeper for the family.. we are sisters but we are quite different on the way we live and the way we show love to our loved ones.. but we make sure everyone at home feel loved..

it is just one thing i am pissed at her. it is when i am with friends or boyfriend (it was pt then..) she was not so happy if i was out with friends, especially pt.. i tried to mix them but they were like water and oil. it hurted to see my sis avoid my boyfriend. it showed on her face that she just didn't like him. that's it.. i kept trying and then i stopped trying. so i lived seperately life when it came to love and family. my family never knew that i had a boyfriend for 12 years. i tried to be open with my sis first but i failed so i kept on a separate life as i did when i lived away from home 5 years ago.. i've never told my sis that pt was my bf but i guessed she could guess.. so, she didn't know we broke up and became friends again. she just turned blind eyes when it was pt.. there are not many shits i have to deal in life and this is a real shit. but i've never agued with her. i just kept silent, everytime we conflicted. she told me once she was afraid of my silence.. i don't like wasting my energy fighting. she is the one who fights like a bull. i know her too well and i don't like to be a bull, so i decide to dig deeper into my own little cave and into my silence. she knows this and she will stay away from me for a while.. we never talk openly about this. it's just an annoying act. and it's just that if you are not happy when i am happy with friends or boyfriends.. fine.. (mostly this happens with boyfriend and boy-friends..).. i don't know why and i don't want to go figure it out.. but i secretly guess she likes to me to be single and around the house at all times.. oh! gosh.. i don't want to be an old maid living a sheltered life.. i want to go out screwing up, even though 40 is around the corner!!

sorry to waste your time reading.. it's just my fleeting thought..